Compassionate listening means listening with your whole self, being present, and giving your full attention to another person. Instead of rushing to conclusions, we ask questions to ensure that we are getting as close as possible to what the speaker intended. Assuming that the speaker has the best of intentions helps us work together to reach an understanding. Deep listening is considered a form of dana (generosity) in Buddhist practice.

The classic Buddhist metaphor to illustrate styles of listening is to consider ourselves like pots, receptive vessels that sometimes have defects. Not listening is like a pot turned upside down; listening without remembering is like a pot with a hole in it; and mixing preconceived notions into what is being heard is like a pot with polluted contents. Whether one is listening to the teachings of the dharma or listening attentively to support a friend, the principles of good listening remain the same.

In Mahayana and Vajrayana, this can also represent bodhisattva practice. Avalokiteshvara, Kannon, or Guanyin is referred to as “one who hears the cries of the world.” By bringing these great bodhisattvas to mind, we invoke our highest ability to listen deeply and hear the cries of all beings, compassionately responding in whatever way is most beneficial.

Developing listening skills helps create inner and outer harmony and is a gift to those who wish to be heard. Listening and witnessing others’ difficulties can help relieve their suffering. Deep listening creates space for others to be heard and reduces interpersonal conflict.

Reflect on the experience of being deeply listened to and then try to offer that experience to others.

• What is it like when someone listens attentively to what you have to say?
• What is it like when you have something important to say, but the person to whom you are speaking does not appear to be listening fully?

Implement deep listening practices, and analyze the “listening pot” metaphor to identify essential conditions for effective communication.